Tony Lennard

Former Suffolk squash star who has yet to turn his arm over for the Insignificants, Tony is hoping to make a transatlantic crossing in 2005 and join us on tour. Lives in America somewhere.
Still concerned that Zoe Smith might be looking at him, he remains deeply committed to the nuclear cause.
The reason it all began.

Chicken “Poulet” Fraser

Currently injured, Chicken is a big fan of Sid Waddell and anything French.
A natural Insignificant, he lives near Cambridge with Barry and Dave and made his debut last year. Wouldn’t catch a cold.
Team womaniser and ardent monarchist.

Charles “make me an” Offer

Sporting god in his prime, Charles is now enjoying the fruits, and the body, of early middle age.
ICCs first choice wicket keeper, Charles loves the challenge posed by our varied bowling attack and has recently lost some weight.
A mover and shaker in the food industry, a few challenges seem beyond him, both on and off the field.
He lives and breathes Fulham, and has precious little left to Offer.

Moffats, meet the Moffats; They’re a modern Midlands family
From the Town of Northampton; He’s called Scott, and she is called Becky
Hotster, as he is often also called; is un-likely ever to be really bald
So when you’re with the Moffats; You’ll have a hoo-da-hoo-da-hoo-time
Yes a hoo-da-hooda-ho-time; You’ll have a Brummie time.

Ben Mekie

Star opening batsman and reserve stumper, Ben has enormous powers of concentration and a super straight drive. He bats OK too.
A music industry veteran (including being a founding member of Bigger Than Elvis), Ben remains enthusiastic.
A lover, Ben was previously the owner of the famous equestrian school Horses-R-Us.

Tommy “Bad Shoes” Garner

A pugnacious, puggy-faced, all rounder from Cheshire, Tommy was the victim of some truly appalling umpiring decisions last season.
A legendary dresser, 2005 seems likely to be a year of contrasts for this very short man.
Tommy has an unusual hobby of spending a lot of time in supermarkets.

David Carter-Hitchin

Often seen as a raw mixture of Chris Evans, Bill Gates and somebody else, David is keen to play himself back into his best form this season.
Best described as difficult to describe, he is, quite simply, The Carter.

David Blomfield

Desperate to make a full debut this year, David is a tall man.

John Illsley

Possible future captain, John is known throughout cricket as Golden Arm (for reasons lost to posterity).
Former Lensbury CC second eleven captain and purveyor of fine wedding dresses, John looks like a man who is capable of eating anything.
Played bass with Dire Straits in their greatest years.

Guy Macmillan

Great player but we’ve no idea where he is.

David Haines

One of Britain’s foremost choclatiers and one of the founders, David has little left to give on the field of play, or indeed anywhere else, and is now obsessed with Gorillas.
Loves to have a knees-up and a good jog; is best ignored in the bar if any 80s songs come on the jukebox.
Penchant for sleeping on snooker tables.

Jon Zagni

What a coup it would be if Jon could be persuaded to come out of retirement!
Legendarily miserable, Jon twirled his left-armers for Suffolk for many years and would add much needed guile to the team.

Duncan “Real Job” Powrie

Busy studying sputum by day, Real Job is a phlematic character who has just become a father for the first time and needs the Insignificants like a hole in the head.
Understandably ambivalent, the Club Press Officer (due to his natural affinity with media-types) and Club Doctor.

Sean Kitson

Cnu!!
Quiz expert, IT wizard and opening bowler, Sean is at the heartbeat of all things Insignificant and has a cheeky winning smile that is beloved by all Americans.
Loves mischief and is the owner of the Shepherds Bush drinking establishment The Pink Camel.
Whenever you see him just say “Heidi-Hi”.

Julian Marshall

Co-founder and joint writer of the club song Gower Flower Power, Mr M is also a journalist, swing bowler and guitarist.
A versatile cricketer and a versatile man, Julian would love to be thought of as eclectic.
Had a terrific season with the bat in 2004 after a lean 6 years.
Club Treasure.

Jim Feltham

Has played with and against them all. Had the lot, might still have some of it.
Teetotal, understated and shy.

Fred “Heirdoes” Aidroos

Fiery Fred is a debonair born before his time. Relaxed about both his life and his cricket he loves gadgets.
Based in Putney, he has yet to meet Chicken and never will.

Mike “Large Lad” Denman

Born into extreme poverty in the heart of the Welsh “valleys”, Mike only discovered cricket on a school exchange with rich kids in Bangladesh.
A natural all-rounder, although less round than in the past he is married to Mrs Leadbetter from the Good Life.
Mike has a fearsome left arm – there are few hairier.
Ginger.

Guy “Montgomery” Montgomery

Guy ‘shoulders’ his responsibility in the side with characteristic energy, passion and enthusiasm and often turns up at matches.
Spent some time in a coma in the past and 20 minutes lively debate with him will leave you in the same state.
Useful in the event of a brawl in that he’s good at getting them going.

Simon Dadomo

Italian stallion.
And useful as a furnishing rail.

Giles Phillips

Red wine expert, Giles was awarded a Club Cap for matters pertaining to something. Married to Ann, and lover of Wasps, Giles is holder of the key to West London’s most exclusive lock-in.
Friend of the little known and “naïve” cricket writer Michael Henderson.

Martin “Choppy” Taylor

Befriending the original Insignificants pop group in the mid 80s, Choppy was a former girlfriend of Zoe Smith.
Still based In Ipswich, Martin is himself father to a future premiership star and has rather noteworthy ears.
Postman.

Jamie Johnson

A new signing, Johnners remains holder of one of the most Insignificant bowling performances of all time in the Evening Standard trophy.
Now 67, Jamie is keen to come out of retirement and, in his own words, “help this fledgling club make its mark”.
Everybody loves Johnners, who is a true Desperado.
Let’s hope he comes to his senses.

Philip “Budgie” Eayres

Supports the scum.
Can’t cook.
Sheikh of Tweak.

Jonathan “trigger happy” Fleming

Northern Ireland isn’t famous for its cricketing heritage. Jonathan “my middle name is Armour” Fleming is attempting a single-handed reappraisal of this, but failing.
Once had big hair and makes great picnics.

Clive “Clipper” Horwood

Pimlico Stroller extraordinaire, Clive knows he is very welcome as an Insignificant.
Super hair.

Rich Clark

Best Man to the Big Lad, Rich is a genuine, small fellow. Currently writing his autobiography entitled "To Insignificance and Beyond", Rich has aspired for some years now to become more insignificant.

Andrew Clarke

Childhood friend of Jordan and Coronation Street's Scooter, Andrew stands tall at the crease and leans nicely into a cover drive. Supports Liverpool, naturally, having been brought up in Essex.

Hansie Danger Granger

Mild mannered South African. His enthusiasm makes up for the lack of talent. Main hobby is pad wacking.

Simon Pope

A regilous fellow who heads the catholic church. Often heard saying put your hands in the air. Has a nice dog.